Forgiving Infidelity is Key to Reconciliation
Forgiving infidelity is one of the most difficult things a spouse will ever have to do in a marriage relationship. The betrayal by a husband or wife leaves the victim emotionally injured in the deepest way possible. Dreams are shattered, trust is broken, and the world is forever changed into a threatening and painful place.
Forgiveness is a prerequisite to the restoration of your marriage. Not forgiving is an obstacle that makes true reconciliation impossible. A critical problem that many people experience in attempting to repair their broken relationship is that neither person, whether the offender or the betrayed, really understands forgiveness.
Forgiveness is essentially the removal of a debt. Forgiving infidelity addresses the tremendous wrong that the perpetrator of an affair incurs in relationship to his spouse. The victim, whether husband or wife, has been wronged and is emotionally in the place of “calling the shots”. The victim has in his or her power the choice of whether or not to be reconciled.
If you’re the victim you feel the strong sense that you are owed something, whether an apology, a longed-for divorce, or revenge. You feel that your spouse can’t ever make up what he is putting you through. He cannot give you what you are now owed.
What Does Forgiving Infidelity Mean?
Forgiving infidelity means that restoration is possible. The process of forgiving infidelity is a conscious decision and not merely an emotional break-through. Your misunderstanding of the word forgiveness and how forgiveness fits into forgiving infidelity makes accomplishing the task more difficult than it need be. Most people believe that forgiveness occurs in the realm of the emotions and that residual anger, mistrust of the supposedly forgiven person, and scarring pain means that attempted forgiveness has failed.
The decision upon which forgiving infidelity is made doesn’t mean you will feel forgiving. Forgiving infidelity is a decision that is made regardless of what your emotions are telling you. When the debt your straying spouse owes you is released, you accept that you no longer have the right to hate him or demand that he pay the price. Forgiving infidelity means that the scales are once again in balance and that you can begin to rebuild your marriage.
Forgiving Infidelity Costs
Forgiving infidelity has a price. When your husband has had an affair you suffer emotional pain, possible financial disaster, and a broken spirit to a degree you didn’t know was possible. Giving up justice and the right to revenge means laying down the gloves and opening up your arms. But this isn’t an easy process. The difficulties in learning to trust your spouse again are just beginning and the memories of betrayal may never be fully erased.
It’s hard to let go. Loving through the pain of infidelity is a crucible many are not willing to travel. If your spouse is repentant you will find the process easier. There is likewise a high price in refusing to forgive. A bitter attitude will poison your soul. It’s better to seek reconciliation, choose to forgive infidelity, and learn to live again.
Are you willing to try?